Lovely Linda

While I am still in this nostalgic mood, I find my thoughts going to ‘Lovely Linda’.

But before I share the story, I must introduce you to a guy…called Hercules. Well…at least, that’s what we used to call him in office. Standing 6’5″ tall, he made all of us look up to him (literally). To add to our discomfort, he was also a weightlifter and an amateur boxer. He sported a mean-looking handlebar moustache and beard. All in all, the kind of guy you don’t want to run into in a dark alley, but more the kind of guy you want beside you when crossing a dark alley…you get the point, I am sure!

Those days, a good way to find out who his friends were was to see who gets the ‘Bear crush’ from him– a hug that used to have us gasping for breath. Still, we never complained to him about it…you know…like…why play with fire? Why awaken a sleeping giant? The next bear crush might well turn out to be our last!

“Let’s go to the mall”, he said gruffly one evening, after work.

Of course, Hercules (Jack and I agreed in chorus).

“I need to buy me some shoes” he added, by way of explanation

“Oh, has the shipment arrived?”, asked Jack (giving me a wink).

“What did you say?”, queried Hercules.

Umm…I think Jack was just suggesting some new designs might have landed over the weekend

(phew! Close call!)

“Whatever…Jack, I’ll ride with you” he said, putting on his helmet

“Aww..how come I’m always the lucky one?”, Jack mumbled as we went down to the parking lot. He made a big show of checking his bike tires before getting on.

(And soon, Hercules’ shopping party was on its way.)

“Can’t you drive any faster?” yelled Jack to me, as we hit the road.

That’s ok…just enjoying the view.

(It was a funny sight. Poor Jack. He had made some space for himself on the fuel tank. For a moment there, I thought that with the weight of Hercules behind him, the front wheel might just launch into orbit, like Apollo 13.

I giggled inside the safety of my helmet, as we approached the mall.

It started to rain.)

 

(The mall was crowded, as always. Jack started bargaining for a new computer keyboard. Just as it seemed that the shopkeeper might win, Hercules entered the shop and placed a beefy arm on Jack’s shoulder. Realizing it might well turn out to be his last night on Planet Earth, the shopkeeper quickly saw reason and offered a discount.)

“Thanks, big boy”, said Jack as we left the shop to accompany Jack on his quest for rare size 14 shoes.

(As we were leaving the mall, a girl rushed in from the rain and ended up running straight into Hercules. Her bag and umbrella obviously fell to the ground. He helped her collect her belongings and their eyes met for a brief moment. She then flashed a smile, adjusted her hair and went her way, after saying thanks.

Hercules stood there, with his mouth open, a strange look on his face.)

 

(On the way back, Hercules was awfully quiet. We stopped to eat at an all-night café.)

“What a lovely girl!”, sighed Hercules, after a long silence

“Beauty met the beast”, Jack pointed out to me helpfully, in a low tone

Who? Linda? (I asked Jack).

“You know her?”, Hercules’ eyes lit up

Oh yeah..of course…she lives in the neighborhood. You know, I conduct guitar classes 3 evenings every week, after work, at the club. She attends them. I know her well.

“Did you see the way she tossed her hair about? She looks like a goddess”, Hercules said

Oh. I never noticed. She looks pretty normal to me

“Don’t you dare say anything like that about her!”, he slammed the table hard.

(I nearly flew off the chair!)

“Whoa. Easy on the table, big bear!”, Jack stepped in. “We don’t want to be black-listed from this café as well.”

(Herc calmed down, after a while).

“Tell me more. What is she like? What does she eat? What’s her favorite color?”, he asked me.

Well….(I paused to think of what I could say truthfully and still keep my teeth intact). She’s a good singer; meditates a lot; great sense of humor; very pleasant; I have absolutely no idea about her favorite color.

“And as for her food… angels drop fried rice with sweet & chili sauce from the clouds”, offered Jack.

(Hercules gave him a glare).

“Lovely Linda. I wish I could meet her again”, he said.

 

(The next week, I was surprised when Hercules paid a visit to my evening class. Maybe I shouldn’t have been).

“Is she still there?”, he asked me softly, at the door.

(I turned around and saw she was)

Yeah. She’s just packing up.

(He immediately adjusted his tie and stood in attention)

Good grief… Hercules, just relax and be normal.

“I am normal”, he stuttered.

(As Linda approached the door, he stood straighter and straighter, in stiff attention, till he started to look like an army General at a parade)

“Thanks for that. Was very useful”, Linda said at the door to me, as she got ready to leave.

Hey, you are welcome. Keep up with the practice at home. Next week, we’ll go through some Bob Marley numbers.

“as if I’ll get that right the first time…. Haa haa”, she laughed and left.

(Hercules stood at ease, after 5 minutes, still watching her walk away.)

“Did you see that?”, Hercules asked, with a croak in his voice

Saw what?

“The way she laughed…and said Haa haa..her teeth were like pearls and her laughter was like the sound of pearls in a flowing river”, he blabbered.

(Oh boy! I rolled my eyes)

 

(Since then, he was a regular visitor after class, stopping by to chat with me, while stealing glances at ‘Lovely Linda’)

(And then, one day, the inevitable happened. I was given my next work assignment abroad and had to leave within a week. I was organizing all the last-minute details in office, when I noticed a very sad-looking Hercules.)

Hey, cheer up man. I’ll be gone for a few years. But we’ll still stay in touch.

(Jack turned around to look at me)

“Don’t kid yourself, sweetheart. Tarzan here is only downcast at the thought of not meeting Jane, now that you are going away.”

(I felt really bad for Herc…and then decided on the spur of the moment…..that I’d be a matchmaker)

I told Hercules “Hey buddy…listen…I have a plan. I’ll invite Linda for coffee after class today. You join us at Denny’s cafe. I’ll give you an intro”

“Really?. Oh…thank you so much” (I got a bear hug)

“Can I come too…please? I so like to watch animated violence scenes”, Jack said.

You better not. Ok Herc, I will message you when I am on the way to Denny’s. I gotta go now. I am running late.

“I am getting an intro to Lovely Linda today…unbelievable” he muttered.

Just don’t ask Jack for any tips (I warned Herc as I picked up my bag and left)

 

That evening, after class, I said farewell to everyone. It was the last class before I headed off on my travels. They cut a cake and gave me a send-off gift; Sweet of them.

(and then a thought struck me. How on earth was I going to get Linda over to the café without telling her about Herc?)

(I approached her rather tentatively, as she was packing up. This required all my tact and diplomacy.)

Er…Linda..how’s things?

“Great…but we’re gonna miss you”

Uh..huh…Can I ask you something?

“Sure” (she stood up)

Well.. can we…you know…go for a coffee or something?

“Why not? Great idea…let me call Jane and Sandra as well”

(Oh crap!)

Uh…no…I was thinking…you know…just you and me…

(She tilted her head to one side). “Feeling flirty today, are we?”

(Gak!)

No…No..(I broke into a sweat). It’s just that I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.

“oooh..interesting…and why can’t your friend just say hi to me and save you all the trouble?”

Well…he adores you..so I guess he’s kinda tongue-tied.

(She considered it for a while and then agreed to come along. Phew !!! So much for tact and diplomacy. Guess I can safely strike off a career in foreign relations from my list of possible options.)

 

At the café, I introduced Hercules to her and we ordered coffee. Hercules ordered soup and was quiet. I was doing most of the chatting;

“Well.. does your friend speak at all?”, she asked me, after I had bored her to death on the topic of coral reefs.

Oh…he does…he does…a lot..its just that he’s …what does one say?… enamored of you

“Really?”, she turned to look pointedly at Herc. “and what are you so enamored about?”

(Speak Hercules…speak..speak, I prayed silently. Boy! This entire matchmaking thing was much harder than I thought!!)

“I love your hair”, he blurted. You look like a goddess. You walk so softly and your smile is like pearls. I can’t stop thinking about it everyday”

(There was an awkward silence and I wondered if I should head for the door, noticing the glare Linda was giving him)

“Oh, you love my hair? No problem. You can have some of it“, she said. Reaching out, she plucked a few strands of hair and dropped it in his soup.

(Yikes).

“Hey”, said Hercules, as he recoiled in disgust.

“And I walk softly because of the varicose veins in my legs. You can see them if you want. They leave a lot of thick blue lines. And yeah, my teeth..I just had my root canal done..the stitches are still there…see?” (she opened her mouth to show the bruised cavity)

(Hercules looked like someone had dropped a piano on his head.)

“Thanks for the nice evening. If you have nothing else to say, I better be off”, she said.

(But Hercules just sat there stunned. So, she wished me safe travels, picked up her guitar kit and walked out of Denny’s.)

“I don’t understand”, Hercules said slowly after a good half-an-hour had passed. “She’s not my Lovely Linda. What kind of girl is she?”

I am sorry Herc. I don’t know what to say.

“This is the last time I will fall in love…ever”, he said, his voice revealing anger and sadness.

(We both left Denny’s that evening as very confused people.)

 

(The next week, I said ‘byes to my friends at the airport and I was on my way. Little did I know then, that I was heading off to an adventure of a lifetime. )

During the flight, I kept revisiting the events that happened in my life over the past few months.

Some relationships never happened;

like the one between Hercules and Lovely Linda.

Really unfortunate; it was so interesting.

 

A couple of years later, during my adventure as an Urban Monk, I was walking through a field of blossoming flowers, when I suddenly thought of Hercules. I took out my phone and sent him a text message….and smiled to myself.

 

Many months passed. The rains had come and gone. Winter was just starting to set and I had moved to my favorite log cabin in the mountains to continue writing the diaries. One evening, I got a message on the phone. It was from Linda. “Can you get on to a webcam?”

Easier said than done; I put on my jacket, drove 10 km to the nearest town and went to the only Internet café there. I waited for my turn and a few minutes later, I was online, dialing Linda’s number.

Soon, she appeared on the webcam. Oh! She looked so different. She had cut her hair short and was sporting a fancy pair of glasses.

“Heeeyyyyyy…how have you been? Hang on a sec….Kitty….look who’s here…come soon!”

(Kitty?… geez..)

A moment passed and a man came and sat down next to her at the computer.

It was Hercules.

(Or used to be).

(He looked totally different too. Gone was the handlebar moustache and beard. His face was glowing and he looked happy, warm and contented– not the aggressive, amateur boxer I had always known.)

It just doesn’t feel like it’s you man! (I said, smiling at him warmly)

“Perhaps…but I feel more natural and comfortable now. ” he said with a laugh.

(And then…they gave me all the updates in a rush.)

“Where have you been? We left you so many messages, inviting you. We heard you are on to some sort of adventure…a treasure hunt or something…Jack was the best man at the wedding. He and his jokes…he’s a riot!”

(After a good hour of conversation with Linda and Kitty, I wished them all the best in life).

He suddenly moved closer to the Webcam and said “Thanks for everything.”

(After I waved bye to him, I got in the car and drove back to the log cabin.)

 

The sky was clear and it was a beautiful night. After a quick dinner, I stepped out and breathed the cold mountain air. The lights of the town were glowing in the distance. I reached for the diary and continued writing.

Some relationships never happened;

like the relationship between Hercules and Lovely Linda.

And yet…some relationships do happen;

like the one between Kitty and Linda.

(I paused and put the diary down. I didn’t want to write more and spoil the moment).

Oh…and you are probably wondering about the note I sent Hercules many months earlier. It was nothing much. I had just written..

Hey Herc, I discovered something wonderful during the treasure hunt.

Once we drop all our ideas and fantasies about love,

What remains is love.

Try and get to know Linda again.

She really is a lovely person.