555 in Thailand

 

“Wooo hoooo”…yelled Jack, as he steered the rented jeep through the country road.

“Aaargh…go slow, you lunatic”, pleaded Ryan.

“Are you kidding? What a rush!”, said jack as he swerved sharply at a bend to avoid a pothole that suddenly appeared in the middle of the road.

“Don’t you love this country? Thailand is totally cool”, said Jack as he went over a series of mud bumps.

“y..e..e..a..hh,” agreed Ryan, his teeth chattering.

 

They finally reached the paddy fields after passing the canal. It was a lovely sight.

“Wow. Lets admire the view for a while”, said Jack as he pulled over to the side and turned off the engine.

“Phew. Thanks. For the last half hour, I was only seeing my teeth wobble before my eyes.”

“Hey…check this out.”

“What?”

“There”, Jack said, pointing to the paddy fields…”I see a hot babe with a pink umbrella.”

“Oh, for God’s sake. Come. Let us go meet the master.”

“Yeah”, agreed Jack. “We have work to do.”

 

Soon, they arrived at the huts at the edge of the paddy fields.

“Are you sure this is the place?” Asked Ryan

“Of course.”

Jack walked confidently to the main hut. An old man appeared at the door, looked at them and smiled

“Sà-wàt-dii kráp“, greeted Jack., proud of his newly acquired Thai language skills.

“Come in, come in…the people from the nearby village called and said there was someone in a jeep who kept asking bpai taang nai [ which way] to my house”

 

(Once they settled down, Jack spoke to the old man about the treasure hunt and their friends’ plan of attack.)

“So, that’s why we are here. Ryan and I have taken off from work for a month and we want to get this thing sorted out before we return home.”

“Hmm..so? How are you going to find this treasure?” asked the old man, still smiling.

“I am looking for a shortcut. I read that Zen is like a finger pointing directly to the truth. So I don’t want to waste time in meditation, contemplation and all such nonsense. I want to find the answer directly from a Zen master. I was told by the locals to come here. They speak of you with great respect. They said the kruu [Teacher] is scary but once a lesson is taught, it is never forgotten afterwards.”

“Right form; wrong shadow“, muttered the old man, laughing softly.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I am old, so I keep talking to myself a lot.”

He then introduced the helping hands waiting patiently at the door.

“Here..meet Aran, his wife Jaidee and their two children – Ananda and Apsara. They will attend to you during your stay with us; and make you feel at home. They are like family to me.”

 

“You see, I told you this will be easy”, whispered Jack to Ryan, as they took their bags and headed off to their lodging.

 

After a shower, they stepped out to sit in some cane chairs and enjoy the shade. It felt good to stretch their limbs after the tiring drive.

Suddenly, Jack tapped Ryan on the shoulder.

“Hey, I think the hot babe is waving to me”, he whispered

“Who? her? Hey, yeah! I see it too. She is signaling to you to join her in the paddy fields.”

“Super. You wait right here. I’ll be back”, said Jack as he ambled along to meet her in the paddy field.

 

“Hi”, he greeted her. “Nice umbrella”.

Thanks. Are you here for the treasure? (She asked him directly)

(Jack was stunned.) “Yeah. Do you know about it?”

It’s an ancient secret. But I saw you meet the old man. Big mistake. He will never tell you about the treasure. He will now guard it more closely, now that he knows you are looking for it.

“Oh no… Then our trip is wasted”,

But I know where it is.

“You do? Then tell me. You’ll save me and my friends a lot of trouble.”

It will cost you 10 bucks.

“No problem…these days, you can get anything for a price. Here you go (said Jack giving her the money). Now tell me.”

Do you see that shed? (she asked, pointing to a rundown shed a short distance away.) When you are inside, you’ll find the treasure there.

“Really?” (Jack was puzzled). “Are you sure?”

Why would I lie to you? But make sure no one sees you.

“Ok. I am on my way. Meanwhile, you can say Hi to my friend.”

I will do that, (said the lady as she folded the umbrella and walked over to join Ryan).

 

Jack walked to the shed, looking around discreetly to make sure no one was watching. He then waved to Ryan and slowly opened the rusted iron door. It opened with a creaking sound. It was pitch dark inside and he couldn’t see a thing. “Damn. I should have brought a light or something”.

Suddenly he heard a sound. In shock, he stepped aside and found himself bumping into something…that moved. Instinctively, he lashed out at it and gave it two solid blows.

The sound became louder.

When his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw it.

It was a huge buffalo. It was untied. And it looked pi$$ed.

 

(Meanwhile, Ryan introduced himself to the lady and enquired about what Jack was up to.)

He’s gone searching for the treasure. (She said.)

“Wow..but…aren’t you going with him?”

No. The view will be better from here.

“What vie..”?

(Before Ryan could finish his question, he saw the door of the shed fly open and Jack run out from there like a madman, tripping, stumbling, yelling… all at the same time. A buffalo was right behind, chasing him, with clear intent. Ryan was shell-shocked.)

Don’t worry. He’s old and harmless. His horns have been trimmed

(The end came quickly. Jack was rammed down, close to where they were seated… and he remained on the ground like a flat pancake– as the buffalo snorted and left in search of better pastures.)

(The old man and Aran rushed out of the house and took in the entire scene.

Jack had a bruised back but was shaken up more than anything else.)

 

 

“Ah”, said the old man…I see you have met the Zen master yourself“, he said, pointing to the lady.

Ryan was shocked. “You are the Zen master?”, he asked, stepping away from her as if he was stung. “I didn’t know.”

Sorry. I forgot to wear my badge today, (she said with a serious face).

“You have a Zen Master badge??”

“Idiot. She is just being sarcastic”, pointed out Jack, walking towards them, vigorously rubbing his backside.

“Sorry Master…err…Ma’am..err…..your highness…uh…Guru… “, Ryan blabbered. “Sorry…I don’t know how to call you.”

Hmmm…How about “hot babe”?

(Jack stopped in his tracks, stunned.)

“OMG…But…but….how could you hear what we were speaking? You were so far away.”

 

(The old man stepped in to save Jack from further embarrassment.)

“She returned home after many years…my daughter”, said the old man proudly, giving her a warm hug

“But why did you do that? Send me to that monster’s shed?”, asked Jack

I didn’t send you to meet the buffalo. I sent you to find the treasure

“Was it in there?”

See? You don’t even know what to look for. You came out, finding the wrong thing.

“But…Is it still there?”

When you were inside the shed, it was there too.

When you were running, it was not running with you

Right now, it is here.

(Jack scratched his head.)

Here, Aran…. Take this 10 bucks advance given by our guest….go to the village with him and buy him some medicine.(she said).

 

Ryan stayed back with her, after the others had dispersed to attend to Jack.

“I am feeling embarrassed about what happened.”

Forget it…Come..let us walk, (she said and stepped out to the paddy fields).

(Ryan followed her.)

“He is a bit immature, that guy Jack, but he has a good heart.”

I see…

 

“Yeah… Anyway, I will tell you about me. I am well organized. You don’t have to worry about me. I will be a good nák-rian (student).”

So you started learning the local language? That’s nice

“Yeah..we spent a lot of time in Phuket. But then we got bored and shifted to Pattaya.”

Good..did you find anything different there?

“Huh?”

Leave it. The moment’s gone.

 

“By the way, ma’am..what is the plan? Is there some course material I can go through? I will prepare well. Where will you take classes?”

Here, (she said, making a sweeping gesture at the paddy fields.)…classroom, teacher, course materials. All here!

“Oh! Ok..Also, will you teach us about Zen koans? I have some doubts”

What doubts?

“A friend we call the Urban Monk gave us some puzzles once. One of them intrigued me a lot.”

Which one?

“The question was ‘what is moving? The flag or the wind?‘”

Ha…that one?

“You know it? Will you teach me the answer?”

Sure. Come with me.

 

(She abruptly changed direction in her walk.

Ryan was caught unawares and bumped into her.)

Can’t you see where you are going? (she asked angrily).

“Oh..I am sorry ma’am. I was walking in a straight line.”

Fool. There is only paddy here; where do you see a straight line?

(Ryan was stumped.) “I meant…um…I was just following you.”

Then, why couldn’t you turn when I turned?

 

(Soon, they reached the irrigation canal that was carrying water through the field.

The lady sat down by the bank of the canal.)

Come. Sit with me.(she said, lazily dangling her legs in the water.)

(Ryan obeyed and sat down promptly. The canal was a refreshing sight)

“Is it safe?”, he asked nervously

Of course it is.

“Ok.”

Now, I’ll help you understand the koan.

“Great. I will pay full attention.”

 

Do you see the water?

It is still. So we say it is not moving.

“Yeah…very peaceful, I agree. I attended some meditation classes in the city once, but it is so hard. The city is so noisy and active, that I can’t concentrate.”

But sometimes, there are ripples. (She tapped the umbrella in the water softly and some waves appeared.)

But to find stillness in the midst of waves, you must be one with the water.

“Wow…that is so profound. What a beautiful explanation of the koan.”

Yeah.

“I understand now.”, he said happily.

No you don’t.

 

(The next moment, Ryan was knocked over, head first, into the water.

For a few seconds, he was in a state of shock. When he came to his senses, he realized that his feet weren’t touching the ground. And he panicked)

“HELP!! I CANT SWIM”

Ok..can you now see the ripples in the water? There is a lot of movement. Something is struggling and can’t be still.

“Pleaaaase…help..”..(his arms were flaying wildly to stop himself from drowning.)

You know…..there suddenly seems to be a lot of noise and activity here in the village as well.

“Helllppp…pleeeeease do something…..”

Sure.. give me a plan

“Pleeeease”

(She then reached out with her folded umbrella and Ryan grabbed it gratefully.

She pulled him effortlessly over the edge of the canal, and he clung to the wall like a tadpole.)

 

(Ryan was shivering during their walk back to the house. She offered him a cloth that was put out to dry on a clothesline. He accepted it gratefully. )

“How deep is that canal?”, he asked, still gasping for breath.

About 30 feet.

“Holy cr@#$….sorry…but I thought you told me it is safe.”

It is safe. But you weren’t.

“Gawd” (said Ryan, still shaken by the ordeal). “That was a near-death experience.”

Why?. It looked like a near-life experience to me.

“What?”

For 1 minute there, you looked fully alert and alive.

“You bet…Oh boy…I wasn’t even aware I was inside that long. I lost track of time.”

That’s how it feels, when you are fully alive.

But I was disappointed with only one thing, nák-rian (student).

“What’s that?”

That you missed an opportunity to understand the koan.

(She smiled and walked away.)

 

(Ryan arrived at the lodging, still drying himself with the towel and reflecting on the day’s events. Jack was inside the hut, with ’21 Guns’ blaring on his iPod speaker. He peeped outside cautiously before closing the door.)

“Is that crazy woman gone?” Jack asked nervously.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. But she’s really not crazy you know.”

“Who cares?”, he scowled. “Once my butt is healed, I am getting the f%@# out of this place. The only problem is that the village doc said it may take up to a week. Till then, I am stuck in this paddy field with that weirdo.”

“Hey! You were the one who started it all…by calling her ‘Hot babe’, remember?”

“I guess so” (Jack sighed). “But how the heck was I to know that the lady would have hearing like an elephant’s? I still can’t believe she heard me say that. We were so far away from her.”

“Hmm…”..Ryan was thoughtful.

(Suddenly, there was a knock on the door…Jack jumped up on the bed in fright.)

“It is her…it is her…don’t open the door…go away..shooo!”

(Ryan laughed and opened the door.

It was Aran.)

“Please join us for dinner”, he said

 

(When the lady reached her house, she went to her room and had a drink of water. But she nearly choked with laughter as she remembered the expression on Jack’s face earlier in the day.

After she got dressed and ready for dinner, she checked her phone.

There was a message.

She was still laughing as she typed a reply.)

“Hi Sunbeam…yeah, they arrived today.. I am 555 (Thai) and they are 555 (Chinese)…but dont worry…..Human beings are not fragile…and guess what? I have a new, cool name…take care…Lightning”

 

(Thousands of miles away, I read her reply and thought..”Uh-Oh!”)

 

That is the problem with Zen masters.

They would make excellent treasure hunt guides

…if only they could stop laughing!